Going, going … Braun

brau.jpgWith Sunday’s two-homer explosion, Braun Corleone has gone deep a brauny eight times in his last eight games, bringing his season total to a Braunish 13.

Given his undying will to lay the Braun down on any pitcher willing to throw him a baseball in regulation play, Braun will maintain his recent pace, average a homer a game the rest of the way and finish with a Major League-record 131 Brauns.

And as the picture above clearly displays, he’ll be doing it all with his eyes closed.

Braunspeed,

Dean

Big Braun

bigbrown.jpgDid you see that dominant win by home run hitter Big Braun at the Preakness Stakes yesterday?

And is it any question that he’s a virtual lock to win the Triple Crown at the Belmont Stakes next month, much like his Braunian namesake and fellow thoroughbred is in the National League this season?

Brownspeed,

Dean

Co-Jack: no superpowers necessary

This first entry is long overdue. My apologies to Conor Jackson for keeping quiet so long and for missing the opportunity to brag about his breakthrough season. He deserved better. After all, almost everyone — scouts, pundits and even some colleagues — said this guy was nothing special. They called him too boring, too slow and too weak  to match up against other hard-hitting first basemen.

But that’s what makes Co-Jack Co-Jack.

He can’t outrun Michael Bourn to the dinner table, beat Ryan Braun in an arm-wrestling match or create an F-5 tornado by swinging and missing like Ryan Howard. He’s got no superpowers.  He’s your average, run-of-the-mill hitter, the kind of guy kids never know about because toy companies don’t create figurines for guys named Conor.

Well, if he can keep making fools of his critics, and build on this .331 average, this Conor may just get his own figurine, after all …

– Alex Cushing

Braun Jovi

braunfinalokyesaaaaaaaa.jpgIn a rousing development, MLB.com has learned that Ryan Braun, much like Braun Jovi in the “Living on a Prayer” video, has telekinetic powers.

This rare talent is clearly illustrated in the photo to the right.

Perhaps this explains his ability to make baseballs soar hundreds of feet with uncanny ease.

By the way, why is it always “uncanny”? Can it ever be just “canny”? I believe it canny.

Braunspeed,

Dean

Hail LeBraun

lebron.jpgWith back-to-back two-homer games, LeBraun is back on track for a
monster, even Brauntosaurus Rexian season.

And if you think it’s any
coincidence that another king, also named LeBron, has led his team to
back-to-back wins in the Eastern Conference semis, then you just don’t
understand baseketball.

Braunspeed,

Dean